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July 4, 2012
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[[[ Aokakesu Kōru ]]]
-bluejay's call-
a warriors fanfic

Sunlight was scattered across the den like shattered pieces of golden glass. Bright blue eyes blinked in the shade, and the owner of them, a silver she-cat bounded into the clearing; she looked towards the horizon. A new day in EarthClan! Jaypaw loved it when the sun rose. There was so much to do-explore, train, play, work, in short, have fun-but little did Jaypaw know that was all about to change with the next sundown. She scanned the clearing. Nobody was awake yet but her. She smiled to herself. Yes, the whole camp to myself, and more, Jaypaw thought, excitement tingling in her paws. She trotted towards the camp entrance. Oh, I can explore, then- her fantasies of leaving camp alone, and straying far from the territory was cut off by pawsteps crunching the fallen leaves. It was leaf-fall, so they were crispy, dry, but still bursting with colours.  Jaypaw sighed, turning slowly. She had almost made it. As she turned, her blue eyes met with the stern green ones of her father, the deputy. "Jaypaw," he meowed, "how many times have I told you not to wander over to Twolegplace? It's a dangerous place, and you know that." He paused. "Or any other place, for that matter." Jaypaw's eyes flickered back and forth, as if the right words were hiding somewhere in camp and she was trying to find them. Suddenly she grasped them. "I wasn't gonna go to Twolegplace! I was going out to hunt." she lied. Her father wasn't too sure if she was lying or not, so he simply nodded and purred. "Hmm...all right...just next time, tell someone first." He nuzzled her gently and padded back to the deputy's den. Jaypaw watched as he did. The dawn breeze smoothed out her fur; she ruffled it, frustrated, and sat. "Stupid wind....always messing up my fur."  She 'fixed' it with her paws, then glanced around, deep in thought. Her father did say she had to tell someone, but he didn't specify if it had to be someone of a high rank, did he? She could just tell her sister, Cloverpaw, and Cloverpaw would probably tell their mother, and it would be fine. She peeked into the apprentice's den. Many apprentices were there; Flamepaw, Bluepaw, Bramblepaw, most of them sleeping. Jaypaw's gaze landed on Cloverpaw. The rise and fall of her breathing was somewhat slowed, and her eyes were shut, so obviously she was sleeping. Jaypaw didn't want to wake the others. She took careful steps...came to Cloverpaw...whispered to her, "I'll be hunting, all right, Cloverpaw? Tell Silverflight." Cloverpaw grunted and rolled over, eyes fluttering open. "Uh...wha..what?" she muttered. "I said I'll be hunting, tell mother." Jaypaw repeated. Cloverpaw stood. "Oh...yeah, I will." "Good!" Jaypaw replied a little too loudly. She flicked her tail over her mouth. "I'd better be going, then..." Jaypaw backed away and out of the den. She was greeted by a burst of air. Free at last!
:iconyuukiesakura:
My first fanfic/story...I'm a beginner...tell me what you think...
It's a wip, so I will be adding more.
Oh and she has a brother too. Smokepaw. He'll come along later.

Story (c) ~Yuukiesakura

DO NOT STEAL.
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:iconfuzzyypanda:
*FuzzyyPanda Jul 4, 2012  Student Writer
Also! I think if this is only 1 chapter, I think you should make it a bit longer :) But only if this is just an intro :)
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:iconyuukiesakura:
~Yuukiesakura Jul 4, 2012   Digital Artist
It's not an intro..it is the first chapter but it is a wip..
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:iconfuzzyypanda:
*FuzzyyPanda Jul 4, 2012  Student Writer
Oh :) Then, I think it should be longer :) When I first started stories, I did the exact same thing :P
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:iconfuzzyypanda:
*FuzzyyPanda Jul 4, 2012  Student Writer
I really like the description you used! It's pretty detailed. :) One thing is that I think you should describe what Jaypaw looks like and her sister :) Unless that comes later in the story :P And I have a question. Was the deputy already awake? If he was, maybe you should edit a bit and make it so Jaypaw steps on a leaf, and wakes him up. Other than that, love the intro! :D Keep on writing! I can't wait to read more!
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:iconyuukiesakura:
~Yuukiesakura Jul 4, 2012   Digital Artist
Thank you so much! And yes I will make a list of Allegiances, listing their names and pelt colors.
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:iconfuzzyypanda:
*FuzzyyPanda Jul 4, 2012  Student Writer
Awesome! :D
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